Random Ramblings

John maus

2012-03-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

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2012-02-29T07:35:00.001-08:00

LYRICS.
Be true
The Lord knows that I cannot make you
Be strong
In the times that I could not help you
To have kissed those lips
And to have touched those precious fingertips
Were you looking for love?
Or arms to rest in when times were tough?

I see you clearly
Our love grew and withered with no running
I got no peace
With a ghost haunting my memories
They say you can't have her
You do not want her
But if you catch her
You better start running

Well it's only you
That keeps me hanging onto things that I don't want to hang onto
Only you
That keeps me walking on a line, walking that fine line

Forget the past
I would have walked away but it hasn't happened yet
I keep giving second chances, breaking my heart for the sake of romance

I cannot have her
Why do I want her?
What is is about her that keeps me running?

Well it's only you
That keeps me hanging onto things that I don't want to hang onto
Only you
That keeps me walking on a line, walking that fine line
And what should I tell ya?
What should I do?
Cause there are questions in my head and no answers are shining through
Only you can keep me hanging onto things that I don't want to hang onto

Well it's only you
That keeps me hanging onto things that I don't want to hang onto
Only you
That keeps me walking on a line, walking that fine line
And what should I tell ya?
What should I do?
Cause there are questions in my head and no answers are shining through
Only you can keep me hanging onto things that I don't want to hang onto

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2012-02-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Artist: Meursault
Song: What You Don't Have
Album: All Cratures Will Make Merry
Year: 2010

Lyrics:

It's not about what you don't have
It's the little that you're given and how far you can run with it
It's not about what you don't have
Will meet me tonight in your rags and your ribbons
It's not about what you don't have
And there will be no 'all or nothing' for us
It's not about what you don't have
Or the creeping regret that you could have done better

And you saw me
Dreaming on a world
That I wouldn't have lasted
More than five minutes in

Engrossed in Sabbatical

2011-05-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Kerouac said, "Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists in tact, in mind."

I've spent the last few years finding myself in photography and digital manipulation. I've always known a day would come, when photography-like painting and sculpting-would no longer be enough to satisfy my apparant, voracious need to...express myself. The time would come to move forward; in a ravenous search for this...enigma, lying somewhere hidden and untouched by my conscience mind, that can and will, finaly unshroud my place in this world. I know I'll find it. I just have to keep looking.
So, on to bigger and more exciting adventures. I'm still shooting for hard cash, so you can still book for the low key sessions. I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll return to photography as an art form.
I'll keep updated regaurdless.

Before u know it...

2010-10-23T18:39:00.001-07:00

Haven is almost seven now. We were in the car the other day talking about trick or treating this year. The neighborhood we live in really goes for it. Every other house is a haunted house u have to go through to get the candy. I was suggesting we go to a nicer, quiter neighborhood but Haven insisted we go through the scary stuff this year.

She said "Halloween is about being scared. I'm not a baby anymore!"

flamingo

2010-10-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

This tune is playing on serious rotation here at my desk, in my workspace. The whole album is stuck in my head like a good high. I could honestly go on and on about how the tones echoing and bellowing from this persons soul - hypnotize me into a very calm and deep and also peaceful and...marveled state. I am inspired over and over again on so many different levels when I listen to the music these people have shared. I often wonder if the people in these peoples lives, see the magic that i and many others, seem to see. It almost hurts to think about something so clenching. A really great song, a certain two seconds where the tones match up heavenly...I live for those moments in music.

This one isnt on the album (I dont think) but my mom likes this song and I do too.

The Killers Dustland fairytale - from Day and Age.

When you were young - From Sams Town.

Sams town - from Sams Town

Got me on the run

2010-10-21T22:41:00.001-07:00

Just completed a collection from new session titled above. Subject shown is Jill liebisch. I actually had very different ideas for this session, but just couldn't make it work the way I envisioned it. It was something else and I couldn't figure it out. It waited in my files for a few weeks before I started really getting into it. At the same time I found the new brandon flowers 'flamingo' solo album.
I've been playing the crap out of this album. Like every killers album in the past, The more I play it, the more I enjoy it. I've danced with Bella to it. She seems to really enjoy 'Only the young'. It calms her. 'Jilted Lovers and broken hearts' gets her excited. She kicks and smiles during that one. It feels good to see my little ones dig the sounds I dig as well. The title of the session 'Got me on the run." is a line from one of the songs on the album. Just my way of noting the inspiration.

Its important to me to remember the music I play when I am making things.

See Full Session Here

Keepa runnin

2010-10-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

so hard for the money...

2010-09-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I am wounded. This isn't the easiest "Job". I put my heart into these images. To me, each piece could be a canvas on the wall. It would be awesome - if I could just make art. It would be amazing NOT to have to think about getting paid... getting exposure. What a ball and chain its become, trying to make my passion a career. Its enough to make me want to quit, to just run away from it, and find something new.

{Side Note: Oh how much deeper I go with this. I could really let this entry rip with truth. Raw truth. The kind of truth we just don't expose. The kind we shouldn't expose. But of course I am hindered... by what seems like a joke when I think about it. Whats more important? Modesty...or truth.}

{2ND Side Note: It reoccurs to me, just how much my brain rambles about.}

-Anyway. I just need to start again. It was a rough patch. I'll tell myself, not to give up. I wish I had an image that fit with this entry.

Good times.

2010-09-17T22:18:00.001-07:00

I was browsing through Utube earlier and came across a band called 'Gaslight anthem' - they're alright- They reminded me of another band I once LOVED...{high pitched voice}. That band is called 'Alkaline Trio'. Saw them live when I was 17 and it was one of the best shows I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. Driving home from very long weekends of doing things I'll not mention here. ;) 9am. starving and sleep deprived. The mornings were breaths of fresh air. I'd play it loud and sing along knowing every single line. There was one song in particular that I played a lot. The one that started it all and leading me to the wild roller coaster ride that was The Alkaline trio. Here are a few of my favorites below, including the starter tune - 'Queen of Pain' (ignore the goofy lyrics. They don't have an official vid for this one.)

And a few selected faves:
My friend Peter
Goodbye Forever
Mr Chainsaw
All on Black

They have boatloads of music out. The new stuff I've never heard, but I'll now be exploring them all over again.

I am very good...

2010-09-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

At scaring the shit out of myself. {According to my husband anyway}

I've always slept better in the day, when everyone else is awake {And alive} to see everything going on around me. When I think about what may be happening around me when I along with everyone else is asleep- I cringe wide eyed until I am bug eyed and exhausted, waiting for someone to wake up so I can go to sleep.

The future in the present.

2010-09-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

I want to be free.
slim down, wrinkles are the devils scratchings. Take a second look. I remember why I avoid this. Another inhale. Another year gone. Survivor mode cranked way up. Yawning/Stretching/Moaning/Exhaustion. Drink more coffee. Drink more coffee. I don't want to go outside today. Let me stay in my cocoon.

And If I didn't ever have to step outside, I might be OK with myself. compare me to her. Stand me up against a ten. Destined for failure now. I thank you oh so much. Taking all I have left of me. Stripping me down to zero. My flesh is cold and exposed. The smoke is drifting about. Sore fingers. When am I mine? I heard about the future and it seemed so good, I had to have it. Where is it now?
I want to be free.

And it occurred to me that I was older when I stopped pulling out my ID, When I was the oldest person in the room those nights. I wake them up and get them ready for the day, making breakfast and making dinners. I must be older now. I but my smoke and exhale hard. It burns my throat. I look around at what is called a mess. It bothers me so I must be older now.

Cant look in the mirror, the child who is ashamed. Told to be better, better, even better than you are. ouch that hurts. The blood is pouring out. Jaw aching. Teeth shattered. Flaws on display, no way you're hiding them now. Gone to far. I must be older now. I want to be free.

The Lurking:Preview

2010-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

From Saterdays session with Jill Liebisch from Cincinnati Ohio.
Hair and makeup by Puddinghead

Something found

2010-09-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

I came across a very old survey I filled out on some website back when I was networking the shit out of the Internet. I decided to revive it. Copied below:

i would describe the way i dress as… lebowski on an off day - A bit casual and darker on another day. Scarves, toboggans, tiny shoes.. no socks. Sleeves.. Comfort.

my favorite place in the whole world is… Venice

my musical tastes… Folk, Indie, I don't like to be screamed at or rapped at. I like to chill. Also a big eighties fan- and funk if you catch me in the right mood.

when it comes to my digs (apartment, home, etc.)… Its lived in.

my superpowers are... I can read your thoughts and control your movements... If I want too.

if I'm in front of the TV, i might be watching... Man VS wild or something similar on the discovery. Things on bravo.. A movie I rented.

my most recent disorder or neurosis... The most recent? About two years ago I began to wonder who washed their hands. Now I'm convinced no one washes their hands. I have a hard time touching anything I know others have touched... flushers, Handles, doors, Keys on the ATM...

I'm currently reading... Kathryn, It's time.

things that make me really angry! general lack of concern for another persons feelings.

when it comes to politics… Most of the time I keep my opinions to myself. Is anyone really qualified to debate this topic? I'm not sure.

things that turn me -off- include… stinky stinky stinky anything.

View from the backyard of the sandhouse.

2010-09-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

It should be illegal...

2010-09-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

For Elementary school teachers to wear tight skirts jacked halfway up the thigh! Seriously... who are you trying to impress? Got a hot date with the gym teacher in the teachers lounge? How are you getting around without giving all the kiddies a treat? Even if you are crossing your legs, you have to spread your legs to cross them! Let's not get started on the four inch slits in the back!

Breakfast

2010-09-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

Message from a pussycat

2010-09-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

I signed in to my account on project playlist this morning, to be greeted with a "New Message" from an avatar that reminded me of Samantha on Sex and the city. I was expecting something like, "Great taste in music Puddinghead." Instead I read this: what about pussycats? Cuz you're talking to one...get your lazy fingers to click on my cute picture followed by a link leading to what I can only assume is a site about cats.

Enough of this. I have images to edit.

Through the Threshold

2010-08-30T04:45:00.000-07:00

See the stills from this as well as much more of my work at my website THE HOUSE OF PUDDING

Vanity

2010-08-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

Suckage

2010-08-15T12:14:00.001-07:00

One of the worst things about doing what I do, Is constantly having to find a location. Subjects are never an issue. Fortunately there are always people willing to get in front of the camera. Assistants, wardrobe, Hair, makeup and concepts can of course cause problems but nothing bites me in the ass and makes me scream more than the locations.

I have a major production in one day. ONE DAY. All of the details have been hammered out for at least a week. I have the images in my head. I have the set arranged exactly how everything will go. Now, just as I am beginning to feel super excited about it, A huge BITE ME ON THE ASS location bomb has been dropped directly behind me. All I can do is sit in shock. The owner of the location is assuring me now, after I've pitched a fit, that it will be fine, to go ahead and come. The problem is, Only one of the owners are on board now - the other has just suddenly changed his fucking mind! So I'm left with this dilemma...do I go ahead and go, praying the one doesn't show up and cause drama?? or do I cancel it?? At this point, finding another set would be impossible. There isn't any time. Its just impossible. The thought of having to keep these images in my head for who knows how long now... is horrifying. I need to bring these ideas to life. I'm so close to it. How can i just give up on it now?

Are they really so different?

2010-08-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

I pull up my internet face this morning to read "Drew Barrymore steps out in $25 dollar dress." and all I can think is WHO GIVES A SHIT?! Why is this front page yahoo news? Is it really so astonishing that a celebrity is wearing something that isnt thousands of dollars??? Geez!

1001 half finished pieces

2010-08-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, maybe around 10 or so and maybe sooner, I've been writing little novels in my mind. I've played out playes over and over again. As I got older, I started playing out a few scenes a night, as I drift off to sleep. I would play out the story for sometimes weeks, just creating these situations for these characters I had created. Sometimes I would spend an hour just imagining different wardrobe shifting over the subjects bodies until I found something i liked. I was very picky when it came to the wardrobe.

Usually the stories are about love and madness. Lately I've been wondering If I was somehow meant to be a writer. Maybe.

One thing I've never done if finish one. I've never created a huge, cinematic ending. I can't bring myself to ever say goodbye to my charactars. I just start over. Sometimes with a new charactar, always a new setup, idea. One of my favorite scenes to create are the meeting scenes. The charactars meeting for the first time. Not sure why that scene is so exciting.

Tunes in serious rotation:

1. Florence and the machine - Cosmic love
2. Nico - These days
3. Washed out - new theory

Demon Days Series - 01

2010-08-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

Demon Days is a series I'll be visiting over the next year. The first installment are from a session I did in the earlier part of the year that I just recently revisited to kick off this series. Here are a few selections. Take a look in its entirety over at the website.

Quick Update

2010-08-06T14:18:00.000-07:00

I happened over to this blog here and realised my last post was made in January! I knew it had been awhile but jeez! I've been extremely busy having a baby! We now have two beautiful daughters to call our own and we couldnt be more thrilled.

I've slowed down lots with my artwork of course, but at present I am planning a few big projects that should be peeking their little heads over the bushes sometime soon.

Until then...