flightless bird

From a session I'm working on. subject: Kelsey Marie
Wardrobe, styling, concept and post: PUDDINGHEAD2009

when you were young...

Its been a long day, filled with family and friends. I should really say its been a very long week. With thanksgiving knocked out and Christmas on the way, everyone seems to be scrambling where they stand. Except for me. I seem to be standing still, the only one standing still. They all race around me, pushing me out of the way, while I just stand there with a goofy, tired, look on my face. I'm usually in chill mode, but its been a little inconvenient lately with the events surrounding me.

so on my way home from as I said, a very long day - I put in a mixed Cd, unlabeled of course, and was happy when this tune filled the air. It always takes me to a place of comfort and peace. I think back to when i saw them live, how alive I felt that night. I find myself wanting it again, like a drug. I just need to see them live again! I recently heard a cover of this song. They changed some of the lyrics and most of the whole feel of the song. People seem to dig it but me not so much. Ah.. im rambling. Heres the vid-one of my faves from them.

this is courtney.

from today's session. More on this coming soon.

Indian summer.

See it {http://puddingheadphotographyblog.blogspot.com/2009/11/indian-summer.html}

Hi fiver's.

Tonight I found myself in the midst of a hi fiver. Hi fiver's are great. Most of the time, I can go for a good hi five, but I still feel pretty stupid when I do it. Hi fivers love these bitches and couldn't care less and probably never even noticed how silly we look when we high five. Its an awkward gesture... if you even call it that. We make weird faces, sometimes we make weird sounds, or really loud, "Yeah!"s Or even worse, little silent, under your breath "Yeah!"s

Am I making sense. not a question.
So you find yourself next to the hi fiver. You are the one they have chosen to hi five at even the slightest joke or statement. This was also, Girl talk hi fives. {cracking up} now these things can hurt, and they can come at constant speeds. After 4 or 5 of these hi fives, in a row...you can imagine how silly I felt. But of course, I didn't leave her hanging. Of course it wasn't a passionate hi five... quite lazy and a little slow on my part, but that didn't seem to matter much to her. She dug them just the same.

{I really do crack myself up.]

another end of days dream...

I've been having these Armageddon dreams for years. They always effect me in ways my other dreams never touch. They render me mute and cold for hours after I wake. Sometimes they feel like a message, or a warning. Its a feeling I can't shake.

Last night I had another.
This one seemed to be a little more detailed then the others. I was trying to tell people that something was happening. I'm not sure I knew it at first, but I did figure it out. at one point I was outside staring up at the sky. I saw it raining... in little spots here and there. I also remember something about having a conversation with someone, about not making it. I said something like, "I thought I was going to be one of the ones.." That went to heaven I'm assuming I meant. The person told me I wasn't... and some other mumbo I cant remember now. It was such a detailed dream, yet I can't remember any of it really. But it was there. I can feel it. I was sad in the dream, with lots of screaming, running, crying. At one point I remember wondering If There was some special reason I was being left here on earth, that maybe I was going to "lead people to the promised land" sort of thing. Maybe I was just trying to pump myself up, out of fear. I also remember trying to hard to convince others at what was going on, "It's happening, just like it describes in the bible!" I begged and pleaded with them.

Im sure I'll remember more in the next few hours. Later for this.

The waiting game.

on the verge of a breakdown. A lot of efforts for this day are turning out to be a huge waste of time, money and determination. My frustration is growing by the minute.

my life quote.

Quiz I took called, "whats your life quote." I'm a big fan of quotes so I was somewhat excited about the results to this skimpy quiz. When I got the results I was disappointed. Seriously lacking here.

Results: "When life gives you lemons you make lemonade"

Seriously? I wouldn't say I make lemonade too often. In fact, when life gives me lemons (Which may or may not be a bad thing) I let those bitches go bad, only after thinking about making lemonade for at least fifty times a day, everyday until they're rotten and unusable.

Who I was in my past life...

From one of those silly quizzes sometimes take to have a laugh.

my Result: Marie Curie or Einstein

You were an ingenious scientist who helped shape the world into what it is today. You brought knowledge to the human race that could not have been learned without your guidance.

...

Now thats some goooood stuff!

blasted nightmares

That was just a dream.

I have these nightmare four to five times a month. Other nights I have what feels like a nightmare, but I cant always remember them. Last night was similar. I'm having trouble remembering the details but I do remember I was whimpering at one point, and woke myself up. I remember there was screaming, lots of people, fear and sadness. I remember being horrified at something, which caused the whimpering. I remember something about being a little kid again, and running into my mom and dads room for protection. I pushed the bedroom door open and saw my parents asleep on the bed. I said something like, "Mom.. dad.. Can I sleep with you" or "I'm scared.." Or something like that. They let me in and I curled up between them. Thats when I whimpered and woke myself up... as I think about it.. I didnt feel like a child coming in to their bedroom, I felt like an adult... which is odd. I remember screaming at something.. and running, trying to find help. I don't know.

I ended up going right back to sleep after I woke up the first time, which is unusual. I always try and stay awake for awhile, as if allowing the nightmare to pass before I jump back into dreamland. I had another one, but I can't remember any of the details this time.. Just the feeling of sadness. Maybe it was the same dream.. maybe a new one. I woke up the second time, exhausted.
Haven was hollering for me from her room, "MOMMA! MOMMA! MOMMA!" I can't even open my eyes at this point. lol really sleepy. I faintly hear, "Will you bring me something to eat?!"

I pull myself up and stagger to her bedroom, talk her into something easy, warm her three sausage links in the microwave, take them to her in a little bowl. I consider making coffee, but she talks me into laying down next to her while she eats her breakfast. To hard to pass up. I curl up around her little body, trying desperately to cover up with her tiny little blankets. I'm almost back to sleep when I feel my feet warm up. She's covering me with her other little blankets. Such a sweetie. I quickly start to drift deeper, but not without that fear of diving head first back into the horror that was my dreamland.

Luckily, Havens a chatterbox, and kept me mostly awake with all of her rambling. lol